This is the second time I’ve written this today.
The first time I was just finishing it when I managed to hit some bizarre collection of buttons and deleted everything I’d just written. What’s worse, it’s the second week in a row I’ve managed to do that.
So, here we go with round two.
I think there’s more good in this world than bad. It’s hard telling, especially right now. I’ve always believed it and I believe it even more now.
I will admit the amount of stupid people gets to me sometimes. But overwhelmingly, there is beauty. So. Much. Beauty.
My girls, President Princess and Queen in Training are home from college. This doesn’t make either one of them happy as they would much prefer to be in on campus. But right now, there are few safer places they can be than here on this farm. They miss their friends, sorority sisters and the frenzied pace of college, but they’re fine and for me, it’s heaven to have them home.
I find myself nesting a bit more than I have in a while. Drawing in a bit. I’m cooking more. We are doing things together in ways we haven’t done in a while.
Yesterday, we went for a long walk in the desert behind our house. We hadn’t been together, just the five of us, in…. I don’t know how long. Christmas I guess, but we weren’t alone for very long even on Christmas Day.
The walk was a great reminder for several things:
1) There is beauty in your backyard. Yes, we have several thousand acres to explore, so we have an advantage here. Your backyard could be your actual backyard, but it might also be a trail nearby or within your community. Right now, we’re being asked to stay home, so you might have to have to get creative where you can. We walked for several hours and saw spring growth breaking through autumn’s decay. We found all sorts of natural treasurers and we laughed… and we talked about the world. We found adventure and we didn’t have to leave home to do it.
2) While it’s fun to have something to look forward to, there’s a lot to be said for being present in the here and now. I’m a planner so my brain is often in another place and time. The need to stay home combined with the cancellation of all sorts of gatherings and events is forcing me to focus on what’s going on right in front of me. I’m actually even having a hard time thinking about next week, much less next month. I’m starting each day with a clean slate and only a little bit of a plan.
3) Most people want to help. They just need to asked. My Soul Warriors are always at the ready for a mission. This week, we are making masks for health care workers. Next week, we will take on a new assignment, although I haven’t figured out what yet. My friends keep me sane. Even though we can’t always be physically together right now, the texts and calls are little sparks of sanity in a crazy world.
4) There is something truly beautiful about sharing a meal with people you love. Even if that meal is shared on a screen, there’s still magic. Last week, I joined two friends for a home-cooked meal. It was so grounding. I felt connected in ways that I hadn’t in many days. I wasn’t always comfortable at meals. When you grow up with a weight issue, meals are torture. But these days, I find it peaceful and nurturing to prepare meals for my family…with my family. Sitting down together with friends or family or both can be spiritual. I had to work long and hard to get to this point, to get out of my way and to shut out the voices who had shamed me and my body at the table over food for most of my life. Now, most meals are joy-filled and a true blessing.
5) Sometimes you have to look for the beauty. Today, I turned off Facebook for a few hours. The negativity, bad information/rumors and judgement was deafening. It is more contagious the Covid-19. I found myself cyber-yelling at total strangers and feeling sick about it. I deleted comments. Deleted Facebook friendships that do not bring me joy. Funny thing, as soon as I did that, I got a great phone call from a friend, got a fun text from someone else and I made a cake with my daughter that’s freakin’ delish!
This pandemic has the potential to either tear us apart or bring us together. I hope it’s the latter. We’ve needed good for a while now. It’s time.
PS: I like the second version better….
What I’m listening to: Colby Acuff, Life of a Rolling Stone.