Queenslog Sept. 3, 2019
Ok, so the summer went by at a ridiculous speed.
Thanks for waiting for me to catch up.
As I mentioned in my last post, I broke the radial head on my right elbow. It’s really hard to type with a broken radial head. The damn thing took forever to heal. I’m really thankful it didn’t require surgery or even a cast, but it was a hassle and now I can’t even open my own beer bottles. I’ll be glad to get some strength built back up again.
And then there was just a crazy summer. It included taking my son to three music camps, getting my daughter to freshman orientation, watch my nephew take command of a Coast Guard base, three funerals, a trip to Wisconsin and dropping two kids off at college. I wasn’t ever home for more than about 10 days in a row. I’m entirely grateful and lucky to have the luxury of time to get all those things done, but it also meant I didn’t get anything else done either. My office, yard, garden and life in general are now more of a neglected mess than normal. Things seem to be settling down… at least for a little bit.
The summer schedule afforded me lots of time to myself or at least plenty of time to contemplate things. Idaho is a long state, so driving from one end of the state to the other for things like freshman orientation or music camps allows for lots of drive time.
My son, my baby, (known as Sweet Prince around my Queendom) is 17 and a senior in high school. He is fairly self-sufficient. He’s busy with work, school and band, so I don’t see him much. I know he’s there because he’s either practicing or he’s eating… so there are signs … and sounds…. of life. My girls are both away at college. It is quiet here and I find myself with more time to myself than usual. And it’s a good thing. A very good thing.
With all this time to think and contemplate this summer I found I was longing for the things I did before I was responsible for life forms other than my own. I lived more fearlessly. No, I wasn’t jumping out of airplanes or anything. But I tried new things without fear.
I sat down at the sewing machine and made myself an item of clothing or curtains. They were never perfect, but I gave it a shot. I hung shelving I’d made myself. I wrote poetry. A lot of poetry.
And then I found fear. The fear of criticism and judgement mostly.
So, I stopped doing those things fearlessly. I took more lessons. I asked more questions.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Getting educated and asking questions is essential. But I miss that part of me that started something blindly and hoped for the best. It was raw and organic and exhilarating.
I also miss the parts of me that were a bit more organized. Back when I was working full time, I rarely left my desk a mess. I kept detailed files. I was far more particular about certain aspects of than I am now.
I had three kids in four years. My life got busy really quickly. Priorities change. You do what you can, with what you have, when you can do it.
Now those three kids can feed themselves and maneuver in the world without the need for my constant presence. They still need me, but it’s different and certainly less time consuming.
So as autumn rolls around and harvest – my most favorite time of year-- I’m reaching back into my past to reclaim some abandon. I’m reigniting the fires that I’ve kept smoldering for over 20 years, letting them catch the wind and roar.
I don’t know what it will all mean yet, but it feels good. I hope you’ll join me on this ride… because it looks like there will be fun to be had!
Stay tuned for some great events happening in the Queendom.