Queenslog, Stardate April 3, 2021

It's been a long while since you've had an update, so here's what's going on in the Queendom

**The youth center my friends and I are putting together is coming along at a furious pace. I really thought we'd have a three year project, but we will have the building open and running within a year of being authorized by the county government to pursue the project. We are hiring a VISTA volunteer to help us and we have some great candidates already. We will be creating at least 6 new jobs for the county and I'm thinking that number will be closer to 10. I have a vision for public transportation to not only help our kids get to the center, but also deliver everyone else to appointed locations. I haven't quite figured out how to do it, but that's never stopped me before. It will happen and it will help this community a great deal.

**Speaking of things I haven't figured out, I'm starting a podcast next week. I have the technology and am hoping to bribe my son, Sweet Prince, to help me out. The first episode will be about public service and I have episodes planned on women in ag, politics, body image and more. Assuming I have figured out to get it done, I'll launch the first one a week from today.

**I have been working on reclaiming three abandoned houses. The previous owners just left everything there. The newest of the houses as been sitting for 3 years, I'd guess the others have been left alone for more than 20. I understand hoarding and depression so I can totally understand why trying to move and clear the houses would have been be overwhelming to the previous owners. But, the farm donated the contents of the houses to me so I can sell it and use the proceeds to support the youth center. It's been a trip back in time. The rooms were left exactly as they had been, it appears, when someone left or passed away, dating back to the late 1960s. I've found cool vintage clothing, kitchenware and furniture. It's a huge project, but my fellow queens have been helping. The first of our virtual auctions will go up by the end of the month, I think.

**I've decided in the heart of my middle age, there has to be better options for bras than what I currently wear. I'm now obsessed by boob tape. There are dozens of different products out there, but essentially they're all designed to literally tape boobs where they're supposed to be. For those of you who don't know me in real life, this is no small task. I have huge boobs. No coconuts for me. Watermelons. It's going to require a lot of tape. I'm convinced I can make it work. I got my first order yesterday. Epic fail. I forgot I'd covered myself in lotion before I put the tape on. While there was some initial potential for success, within the first few seconds, my right boob broke free and damn near gave me a black eye. I'm undeterred. I will find victory. And yes, I know I can just hang free and putting my boobs where "they're supposed to be" is a social construct. However, I maintain I can do whatever the hell I want, so don't give me any shit for this.

**A few weeks ago I was in a week-long leadership training session and just didn't feel powerful and certainly didn't feel like a strong leader. To top it off, I had a fashion emergency. Now listen, in times of crisis. I'm usually your girl. I can remain mostly calm, I can lead, I can comfort. Give me death and destruction and I am the go-to. But, on one particular day, I wore a dress that I loved. It felt luxurious. I tried a new foundation garment with it. That didn't work. Consequently, the dress didn't fit right and my bra kept showing.

I wore a pair of shoes I rarely wear and they split right down the seams while I was sitting for a class photo.

I tried to make it through the rest of the day. I kept telling myself it was just a pair of shoes, I'm behind a skirted table and it doesn't matter. The day before I had stabbed myself with my mascara so hard, my eye watered all day. Total strangers were bringing me ice and tissues. I often dress in bright colors so you'd think I wouldn't have a problem drawing attention to myself. I don't usually, but I like to be in control. Two days in a row, I had no control. Finally, during a break in the workshops, I trudged up to my hotel room to change clothes. I had hoped this dress, which I had rented from Eloquii, would make me feel powerful and sexy, but by the time I got back to my room, both shoes were split, my thigh high nylons were rolled down to my ankles and my shape-wear camisole had rolled from my waist to below my boobs. My room was at the far end of the hallway and I prayed to not see another human. I changed clothes and started the day again. I felt completely defeated.

The next day, my necklace broke. The day after that, I took refuge at my sisters house and recounted my fashion crisis. When I stood to leave, my step-mom said, "Don't stop anywhere between here and the hotel." My favorite pair of jeans had split out down the back. Not just ripped, but shredded. They were perfect jeans; worn, comfortable and fit just right. And now they were gone. Not even patch-able.

Here's where the demons took over. I crawled into bed that night sobbing. How can I call myself a leader if I can't even dress myself? I'm the oldest woman in the group and these young girls are smart and professional and organized and beautiful. What on earth did I think I was doing? I don't belong in anything with the word "leadership" in the title. But the next day, one of my new friends, King Devin-Outstanding in the Field, tracked me down at my sister's house. Riding in on his his trusty steed, a Dodge flat-bed, he offered advice, comfort and a hug. He reminded me that I was not alone, which is, I think, the greatest gift we can give each other. I went home feeling loved and filled with the grace of a good friend.


That's it for this update. Can't wait to hear from all of you. Be well and blessed be...

--Queen GIvemebeer of Karmalot.

What I'm reading: Braiding SweetGrass, by Robin Wall Kimmerer

What I'm Watching: Resident Alien on SyFY. My favorite line in the series so far: "All beings in the universe are different. My people, for instance, are brilliant. Humans, on the other hand, are so dumb that they think the leading cause of death is heart disease. It's not. It's almond milk."

What I'm listening to: The Bare Naked Ladies

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