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Why is it ugly?

First, let me say it's been too long since you've seen a post. Thanks for waiting. I've been preoccupied a bit lately and have found it hard to get words out of my head. I have some good posts in the works now, so I think it will be worth the wait.

I had the opportunity a few weeks ago to spend time with some of my Soul Warriors. These are the women who ... well... fill my soul. They remind me to be true to my own self and values. I'm blessed with the company of many people who take good care of me and I hope I do the same for them.

One of the best things about spending time with Heather and Kathe is conversation. Conversations about everything from great wine and good books to the care and feeding of children, dogs and brothers.

Of the many great conversations we had, one in particular has been on repeat in my brain.

I was describing the moment when I met my biological aunt the first time. Feeling like a hole in my heart was filled, I told my friends I full-on "ugly-cried".

Meeting my beloved Aunt Virginia the first time.

Overwhelmed at meeting my biological aunt for the first time.

Heather immediatley stopped me.

"Why do you call it an ugly cry?"

Great question. I called it an ugly cry becaue I turned red and sobbed until my masacara ran and makeup smeared. But her point was excellent. Of course I cried. It was one of the most emotional moments of my life. Powerful. Gut wrenching. Theraputic and truly beautiful, healing and joyous. Why, in the world, in such an epic experience, would I describe myself in such a depreciating manner?

Finally able to breathe again, a smile for my Aunt Virginia

I notice when others put themselves down. I correct them sometimes. But I'd never thought about the phrase "ugly cry". Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we put ourselves down? Does it make us seem more approachable? More humble? I'm not sure what it means for men, but I know men who do it to themselves. (Maybe some of you awesome men out there will fill me in) For women, I think we've been told we appear more feminine if we put ourselves down. That shit needs to stop.

My true friends, my Soul Warriors, are not a group of women who buy into this notion. They are confident feminists who have worked hard to build themselves and others up. They have little patience for people, and words, that tear down others. Since we had that brief conversation, I've been very conscious of the words I use to describe myself. Guess what? It's not always good. So that's my challenge to you my Queendom. Pay attention to your words this week. Turn them from negative to positive. GIve yourself credit when credit is due. And spend some time with your own soul warriors. Trust me. It's good for your heart. Until next time... Queen GivemeBeer Of Karmalot

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